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My Life Story - 5 Words At A Time - The Novel

started by Icarus ( 6 November 2008)

Icarus

Admin

6 November 2008

I thought i’d show the full story of 'My Life Story - 5 Words At A Time’ all in one thread, so that you all can see how crazily imaginative you are. Can i also ask that you refrain from commenting on this thread, just so the story can flow. If you want to comment on it, please create a seperate discussion. Thanks and here goes….

Icarus edited this post 6 November 2008
Icarus

Admin

6 November 2008

One day when i was out jogging down the road when I saw a package which was six foot tall, and shaped like a giant artichoke. I was suddenly hot like the devils underpants, so I opened my handbag and inside was the one thing I needed to change into my superhero costume, which was pink frilly knickers and a cowboy hat. I leapt into bra made out of Neutronium which made people look at me in a strange but.. erotically charged way. The package suddenly transformed into a spaceship which then proceeded slowly to reveal a DJ and mirrorball who was playing abba songs and twinkled brightly like a pair of sunglasses that belonged to the duck living in terror at the thought of seeing the frog that was involved in the drink drive fiasco that turned into a disco. I was very hungry by the time it ended so I picked up a barbeque, lots of lighter fluid, and a gas cylinder. I carefully lit the match. I expected to be blown to smithereens however it turned out that iceman had run out of coolant because he had died. This is why it was the right choice in my life But I found that out iceman was really my father and also my mother! We.. didnt expect that outcome when my grandmother’s aunties uncle said I checked my birth certificate but there was no mention of a frost gene being allowed anywhere near the real Palm tree which was growing right next to the nuclear reactor. I decided to take my clothes and underwear to the local oxfam. I was stark naked on the street a crowd was gathering around that were not very impressed by my ever decreasing little.. dog who was barking rather disturbingly at a rapidly passing cool cat in a tree. I shouted, hey cat get your fat furry ass out of my palm tree, you should be so lucky to have eight lives left cause I sure as hell don’t really care what happens now that you’ve gone and killed all my other family members with a grenade filled with cyanide and other toxic stuff and love for one another and some glitter just for…

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Icarus edited this post 6 November 2008
Icarus

Admin

6 November 2008

who said cats are boring. This little pussy certainly wasn’t going to be taken without the animal kingdom was in awe of his mighty presence and also his mighty claws not to mention his rhyming slang for plates of meat his body is a temple people came from far and wide just to view his magnificent coat, which in a certain light seemed to be as if it was made out Of silky satin and lace which was spun from the bosom of a sexy silkworm known to her friends as sexy sarah from Sidcup she wriggled over to a cute catapillar named Nigel and fluttered her eyelashes at him to see what would happen when the time came to do the deed, nigel couldnt quite rise to the challenge or so he thought so he strapped on a plank and got splinters! Luckily Sarah had tweezers. She looked down and discovered than she had accidently picked up some scissors and knobless Nigel screamed in themselves and shout HELP ME Please!!! But they were in A BIG MUDDLE LIKE THIS and so he started to GO TO BED AND SLEEP As he lay down, he could not help but wonder why he had no underpants but then he came to realise that he was wearing a tutu borrowed from icarus! Icarus had stolen it from ra02127a’s private collection of russian gypsy witches. He kept them next to his pet snake which was fed to his cat who was called alison The cat was not a vegan, but did not usually smoke after sex. It was a special occassion so she lit up the biggest blunt and had some popcorn too whilst swinging upside down on a tyre swing across the river of infinate depth. Then dived in,ate a shark’s picnic hamper and scratched her tonsils with a brillo pad she was a terrible sight alphebet spagehtti was replied randomly as she ate two banana’s from the tree of despair, not knowing it would kill her buzz lightyear, who was out on rations, in case he started to fall in love with The frog that lived by the rather creepy lady who once kidnapped a power ranger and cut his testicles off…

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Icarus edited this post 6 November 2008
Icarus

Admin

6 November 2008

and they lived happily everafter until she realised that he was really a she. So off to the surgeons they went and asked him if he would prefer to have both testicals burnt, ripped, slashed, and then thrown off the Empire State Building. He said“Hell No Sister!” I want to be a mister sister but the trouble is I i miss my sister mister how about a brother mother Or maybe a nice dress compromise how about a tranny glastonbury tickets now on sale but you can have them if you show me how to tuck it between my boobs so that it sticks like a postit note on something small enough to take with you in a spaceship to a galaxy far/far away where once you land you find that you can fly your kite into the purple sea of peace and tranquility PEOPLE EATER YUM yum yum fine young cannibals are coming to take you away haha Then eat out your brains whilst singing a lovely song lets get back to reality there once was a woman who lived in a shoe who screamed my goodness, What am i doing living in a world with out love but lots of fake tits on men who are bored how can anyone be bored? The doctor of doom asked I’ll find you something to slice his head open and show its still full of Jelly and icecream ready to throw at someone walking through the “brain” department of the penis enlargement facility where i was a regular patient who realised she was in the wrong place as she had meant to turn left but couldnt turn the tank quickly enough to avoid the enormous ant that was genetically modified waltzing down the street with a limp and a wiggle a smile and a giggle much to the annoyance of colonal kentucky, when he found a chicken to coat in the secret formula, hidden away passage once used by the colony of giant ants that invaded North Korea in 1982 fled from the B-movie set when General Kim chased them towards the hollywood sign then a bush fire started up burning all in its path but the giant ants dug til they were so far…

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Icarus edited this post 6 November 2008
Icarus

Admin

6 November 2008

underground, they ended up in the land of make believe a bit like the rest of Chelsea supporters who think everton will win the title which will never ever happen unless they are genetically modified to a better team than they are, so i called my doctor for more tablets so that i could grow to be everton football club and by sharing with them all the laughter available he managed the best tuck ever seen in this place of majestic beauty and all around flames gathered. The ground opened a can of coke and added gunpowder. It then threw up on it for luck and then a genie appeared with a rolling pin and chased the marshmellow man through the forest of treacle and into the land of oldsocks and even older pants which fuelled the genie’s yearningand ultimately his desire for tattoos of a skid mark sent to him from God. originally made by the motorbike company where Billy Idol worked as a high class escort with his retarded brother Seth Cohen, who lived in O.C’s smallest condo without a pool table, but had 18 ants and uncles he had none But little did he know that little seth had a big secret that only one person could know thats me which was that he was really a superhero who could taste the trail of any snail who wandered into his ruptured spleen. It had been sewn onto his upper lip but got stuck to his coat as the doctor tried to remove the rather large bulge. Needless to say he wasn’t happy because he didn’t know what was going on in the manchester united game although he honestly didn’t care. Nevertheless, he needed a tv to watch for latest results of a blood test he knew was positive so he decided to remove all blood traces from the crime scene of 6 smirfs murdered in cold blood with a long spoon, 3 toothpicks and a rubber dildo. It’s not often someone says rubber dildo and you get 6 murders with every 5 bought on the drive-thru at mcdonalds. However, there was a bigger price on dildos at burger king unless you get one free after parole for damaging the…

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Icarus edited this post 6 November 2008
Icarus

Admin

6 November 2008

sex toys with too much use so that it looks like bella emberg has just well never mind. Anyway so back to the story of the giant ant who had the biggest antennae you’ve ever bitten off in anger when the tally tally tally ho found out she didnt know the difference between knowing that and knowing this or knowing how to tie her laces. She did up her underwear then decided she didnt need any clothes to keep her warm, because she was hairy, like an ape. She stood bandy legged and screaning, huhuhu hu dares defy me? (She shouts, get my make up ready for outer space exploration) Silence. A little nervously she lifted the can opener. She held it close and said “lick marmite off this big hairy thing, yuk! don’t like it when people ruin my nice new shoes, unless they apologise and then make them sparkle to a high shine using nostril hair to buffer and shine. I must get rid of the hitman outside and replace him with huge ant eaters who will take a bribe to murder your lunch break, by adding all his slobber to your sandwiches but provide you with a a bucket and gob wipe wrapped in razor wire for later when we party at Buckingham Palace. It was a brill day for a party popper to explode like a spider across the stars until the food arrived pickeled plums and beetroot on the side with an extra large bottle of kitten puree, thus creating the purrrrfect side to any dung beetle main course. After which comes dessert of caramellised tartan warrior spirit, which came covered in beetlejuice and a kewi fruit hat. He ran his spell checker to see that it is spelt kiwi and came from New Zealand lamb clones, which had infected Both islands which meant that…

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Icarus edited this post 6 November 2008