Ranald's Qype profile

We went with just a little trepidation, as we used to love this place under its old ownership as the Olive Branch. But I need not have feared. On this occasion we went with a party of six, three adults and three children from infant to teen.

And without exception we were delighted. Not pretentious, but neither was it dull. The important thing was that the ingredients are well sourced and excellent, and then compiled into well balanced and delightful combinations. The staff too were friendly and helpful without being either too attentive or too absent, as seems to happen too often. And the ambience is perfect, neither too noisy nor too quiet. It all just works as a well thought through and executed package. Congratulations to the owners.

Go there, they deserve it. And so do you.

Provided you go when it's quiet, it makes a worthwhile visit, especially for kids. Apart from the sharks etc. where else can you actually stroke a starfish?

But warning, eat before going, or find somewhere else nearby. The cafe is simply atrocious. Get this, their "Fresh and Healthy" menu for children includes not only "Walkers" (where would we be without branding?) crisps but also Pringles! (Clue to catering manager: Pringles are only 42% potato - the rest is pure artery-clogging fat, plus loads of salt, and other additives. They're basically slob-rearing child-abuse in a tube.) That's just an example. I had fish and chips, and (yeah, ironic for a sealife specialist, huh!) the fish was of course cheapo frozen factory fish almost lost inside the greasy batter. My partner had a cheese-and-tomato panini that had a thin slice of industrial cheese inside bread that was so wet along one side it was falling apart it was so soggy. Truly disgusting. They presumably just assume they have a captive audience and simply don't care. So be warned. DO NOT eat there. Avoid avoid avoid. Is that clear enough?

Oh, and their car parking spaces are far too narrow for anyone with a child seat. Again, this says much about the money-grabbing "pack 'em in and grab their cash" mentality that seems to drive this place, given that so many of their customers have kids.

Oh dear dear dear. This place USED to be nice. But I'm only giving it two stars rather than one for the views out. The food would disgrace a greasy spoon or burger bar. It may LOOK as if it's going to be nice, but don't be fooled.

I ordered a burger, which was thin, dry, nasty cheap meat, on the cheapest possible white roll with a couple of slivers of tomato. No chips, as I'd foolishly expected. And get this, no sauces or relishes available. The waiter brought me salad dressing as the only thing they had! On a burger??? My partner's veggie pie was somehow both soggy and hard, and quite tasteless, disgusting.

Oh, and their "birthplace if Harry Potter" claim either. JK may have gone their a few times, but her main haunt was on Nicoson Street. It's obvious they get plenty of customers so I guess they are just so cynical they don't feel they have to bother with providing decent food. But I for one am never going back.

What a disappointment! The Annandale Water services used to be one of the best in the UK, serving lovely home made food in a nice atmosphere. So I drove in looking forward to a treat. Instead it has become one of the very worst I've ever encountered. Dreadful industrial food with nothing remotely fresh in sight, served by bored and unhelpful staff. Almost inedible in fact. And I can't remember the last time I found a single eatery in the UK that had not a single vegetarian dish on the hot food menu for my partner. Not that the staff cared one jot when they said so. It felt like a throwback to the motorway stops of the 1970s but with even worse food. Whatever you do, drive on by. Don't spoil those nice memories of how this place used to be.

This place is a disgrace to Scotland! When the Council sold the building a few years ago, it was for its use as a high quality museum of weaving. That’s now a few tatty exhibits shoved into a back corner. Otherwise it’s all just a dreadful shop selling the worst tourist tat rubbish, almost all obviously imported from sweatshops overseas, despite the deceptive labeling, and disgracefully shoddy (and non-authentic). It’s a tragedy that Edinburgh tolerates such a humiliating disgrace in such a prestigious spot right next to the Castle. If you want a kilt, don’t even consider looking here or anywhere else on the high street, unless you want to look a joke in your nylon skirt!! Shocking.

I have to give this little gem five stars, as I just can’t think what more I would ask of a neighbourhood restaurant.

I’ve been twice in the past month or so, once in a party of ten and once with four. Both times every single person had little but good to say about everything they chose, which in this company I can assure you is unusual to say the least. Add to a pleasant environment, very friendly and helpful staff, and very reasonable prices overall, and it’s a very firm favourite.

A truly nasty place. Bad food I can forgive. Bad service too. But a place which deliberately treats its customers like ignorant dross…?

True story: I once met one of the partners behind this local chain of equally rip-off outlets at a social event. He proudly described to me his philosophy of catering. “Give them cheap crap but dress it up to look and sound pretentious and they’ll be happy, because the people we cater to have no real taste at all and will swallow anything if it’s in trendy surroundings, and sounds a bit fancy without being too unusual, and costs a lot.” And the sad thing is that he’s pretty much spot-on about the nouveau riche middle agers who gag for his formula.

Even the name of the place is appropriately pompous, since the local streets opposite from which they take their name are in fact traditionally pronounced 'Mont-peel-ee-urs’. Yet the owners of course insist on making it sound like the Mediterranean town renowned for thieves and pickpockets. Come to think of it, maybe that’s not so inappropriate after all…

If you’re tired of the identikit plastic 'cineplex’ experience, the 'dom’ is worth its weight in gold. A real family cinema, still run by the same family that’s been in charge for decades. But unlike many such places, this one hasn’t fallen behind the times. In fact, with their luxury seating (electric recliners or sofas with footstools in cinema 1) with drinks and snacks at your seat, for example, they’ve been in the forefront of innovation. It has genuine charm. And you must check out the photos of “Mr Cameron” meeting everyone from Sir Sean to Dame Judy on the stairs down to the caff. A real one-off gem.

Although this is a local business (to me) that’s not why I shopped there. In fact, they trade only by phone or online. But after several purchases, I can only say it’s one of the best customer service experiences I’ve had, and the quality of goods I’ve received has been excellent.

It’s actually not easy to find really good quality kilts and tartan products nowadays as most of the high street shops frankly sell cheap junk, imported from goodness knows where. But this company offers an extraordinary choice of tartans, including from their own mill (they claim it’s the world’s largest range, and I see no reason to disbelieve them) and will make practically anything for you. My wife was utterly delighted with her long skirt for example. Highly recommended.

Great pub! So why only two stars? Utterly horrible management. Don’t even consider entering the doors unless you are a middle class conventional clone, as they will ask you to leave unless you are dressed correctly in their eyes, speaking in the right accent, and behaving 'correctly’. Oh, and don’t you dare fail to fill in their obscure food-ordering slips absolutely correctly, or prepare to be soundly scolded by the ridiculously snobbish staff. Pity, the place itself is worth a look, despite the seriously excessive prices. But the people who run it make it a 'never go back’ experience unless you love to be humiliated by snobs.