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12 Berkeley Sq House Berkeley Square, London W1X 5HG
StephanG
last updated on 17-03-2009:
Benares is an uber posh curry.
Now let’s take stock here, and rewind a little bit. Can you think of an example where what is quintessentially a cheap thing has been done poshly successfully? All that springs to my mind are awful travesties such as designer shell suits, London Black cabs (it’s a taxi, get over it) and Burberry check.
A posh restaurant is great not because it’s posh. Nor is it great because of all the obvious things it must do to justify the ticket price, like a pretty lady at the front and lots of marble within the first 10m of the entrance and designer flower arrangements. You’ve psyched yourself up for ponying up lots of cold hard cash, and from that point on your mind expects these things. What makes a posh restaurant great is all the little bits someone has painstakingly thought about that you would never think of. Like a waiter helping with your chair, even if you’re a man, or a palate cleansing bit in between courses, brought up on a spoon to help enjoy the flavour more. Repeat a request? Never! It’s the attention to these little touches which sets a restaurant from the rest, and performs the Jedi mind trick that ends with you saying “Please take my money, this was unforgettable, and actually quite good value” while coughing up 70 quid or more a head. I’ve had it happen, and it’s great when it does.
But sadly not at Benares. Think of Benares as the Burberry of restaurants. Much like making cheap nasty clothes in China and selling them for a packet through successful marketing, Benares takes what is at best a mediocre restaurant experience and tries to present it as something more. Curry was never meant to be this way. The food is no different from an average High Street curry joint, all apart from size of course. God forbid one should have big portions at a posh restaurants - that might eat into the margin. The decor fails the most simple of layout tests - when people pay more, everyone should be able to talk to everyone else at their table without having to shout. If you have to shout, the tables are too close together. Benares is like a stadium. Echoeey, loud and obnoxious. Like a poorly designed call centre automation system, the waiters are great if you know exactly what you want, it happens to be one of the options and you have no questions which require human interaction. Stray off the script at your peril. Have to repeatedly ask for something? Well, it is a very popular curry joint sir.
Do yourselves a favour. If you want posh food and service, go somewhere that can provide them. If you don’t mind the service and want the best curry you’ve ever had go to Lahore’s in the East End. But why compromise and get the worst of both sides at Benares?
3 people thought this review was helpful
99 Wilton Road, Pimlico, London SW1V 1DT
StephanG
last updated on 15-10-2008:
(updated on 16-10-2008)
This store is the one Sainsbury’s uses to set the low bar for benchmarking store layout for every other shop in the chain. Sadly this means that it takes the accolade for being the worst laid out retail space anywhere in the country. I’ve only had the displeasure of using it for 3 months, but I am convinced it has reliably been collecting this accolade for at least the past 3 years.
How can a store layout be done so so badly? The key concept is based around the 80-20 rule, which this store seems to follow meticulously. Namely, place 80% of a certain food category in a place one would normally expect to find it. But then place the other 20% somewhere completely unpredictable. Shoppers then spend the majority of their time milling around the store in a vain effort to locate an item which has actually been placed on some shelf largely at random.
Let’s take a few examples. Salad vegetables are near the other vegetables. Except tomatoes. These are a good 20m walk and are between the apples and the bananas.
Meat is generally near the front of the store. Except sausages. These are next to the milk about half way in.
Cheese is a coin tossing exercise. Depending on the day of the week, it’s either right at the front, or next to the milk.
My suggestion is to use the Tesco on Warwick Way. It’s much smaller, but at least things there make sense
1 people thought this review was helpful
31-33 Warwick Way, Victoria, London SW1V 1QS
StephanG
last updated on 09-07-2008:
Yes, it’s a chain coffee shop. But what a coffee shop.
Occupying a corner plot on Warwick Way, this cafe is a little gem. It’s entire shop frontage opens up on summer days to give a wonderful feeling of space and freshness. This is helped by the fact that management have decided not to risk challenging the laws of physics by cramming enough tables into a space to risk creating a black hole. As any Cafe Nero, the coffee quality is outstanding, but is slightly let down by the selection of cakes.
This cafe gives the wonderful feeling of a little community around it - there’s no way it should be this busy with the level of foot traffic on Warwick way. But it is - most people simply can’t stop themselves and pop in for a quick coffee.
Simply great.
1 people thought this review was helpful
35 Churton Street, London SW1V 2LT
StephanG
last updated on 07-07-2008:
You know that feeling when you go to France, turn right and pick any old restaurant? Sitting down you discover that the restaurant is the life and joy of its owners, and the surroundings are smothered in that grace and simplicity which arises when people focus on the important things like the food and the service, and leave the decor to just sort of fall into place. No sooner have you started eating, and you wonder “ah. Why can’t we have restaurants like this in the UK?”
Well, now we can. It’s called Grumbles and it’s in Pimlico. It’s simply superb - great food, relaxed environment and fantastic service. They’ve even got a “La Vache qui Rit” sign on the wall amongst the other paraphernalia. It’s a small cosy place perfect for that weekend lunch. Like a French bistro, they have a 3 course lunch menu for a tenner. Straying off this bumps the price a bit to around 25 per head including wine. All worth it.
3 people thought this review was helpful
17 Strutton Ground, London SW1P 2HY
Ichi Riki Sushi House (Sushi House)
StephanG
last updated on 01-07-2008:
This is everything a proper Japanese restaurant should be in my humble book. Kind and polite staff, and an old Japanese gentleman wearing small spectacles quietly preparing sushi behind a bar. The location is a tiny basement decorated with stock photos of Sushi. Tasteful quirky touches abound, from the fantastic cat design wrapping their paws around the menu to the use of giant teacups and saucers for a bowl - this is my vision of Japan all over.
For those seeking sushi near Victoria station, Ichi-riki cannot fail to satisfy. The sushi is excellent and well priced - lunch will set you back about 15 pounds. Be careful when you look for the entrance though - blink and you’ll miss it - another part of the charm of this quirky place.
2 people thought this review was helpful
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