Camperdown Country Park

Located an the northwest fringe of Dundee, Camperdown Country Park was formed when Camperdown House and its surrounding estate of mature woodland was donated to the city.

The Park which is the largest public park in Dundee, covers an area of over 400 acres, and is home to no fewer that 190 species of trees. Open all year, the Park offers a range of activities including woodland trails, an adventure playground and Camperdown Wildlife Centre which is home to over 50 species of animals, birds and reptiles. Highlights include European brown bear, wolves, lynx and ring-tailed lemurs. The Park also boasts an 18-hole championship golf course and, for those wanting a less challenging experience, a pitch and putt course. A new cafe opening end 2010.

Camperdown Country Park is the largest public park in Dundee and serves as a backdrop for a variety of special events taking place throughout the year, including the Dundee Flower and Food Festival, Easter Family Fun Day, Meet Santa, Zoofest and conservation events.

Camperdown is the standard place you are taken when you are little on a school trip if you live in Dundee. In recent years it has had a major overhaul and they revamped the actual play park section in a big way. It is now one of the best play parks in the city. That said a lot of it is on sand near the actual activites which can be difficult with a buggy and really annoying in a pair of mules or similar! The zoo section is alright - it fine for chickens or other little animals but doesn’t have any of the really exciting variety of animal. Wee ones still enjoy it but you can often go and hardly see a thing! It is quite expensive too for what it is I think. The Bear part is the best part - don’t know if they have it open now but I’m going on Sunday cause apparently there is free entry so I will find out then. Otherwise grounds are good for summer picnics etc (when we get a summer!)

After partaking in one of my frequent dusk strolls I happened upon this vast lush green haven that is Camperdown Park (or as some cheeky so and so has altered the sign to say 'Cancer Do Prake’, whatever that means). For the initial couple of hours which I had planned to spend perusing the premises I have not a bad utterance to offer of the place. However the day took a turn for the dark when I stumled into a satanic ceremony. Goths, flames, an effigy of who I could only fathom to be Holly Willoughby and a small pile of trenchcoats gathered by a sign offering woodland walks. I am not too macho macho man to admit that I was indeed terrafraid.

The pale faced death-mongers spotted me and demanded that I join the 'Danse de Muerte’, kitting me out in a t-shirt that read 'Hellsputum - The Gosford Dark Tour’ and a leather dog collar with one previous owner (Hooch the Pooch). They forced me to wear nothing but these items and parade around the Willoughby scarecrow chanting things which I find too absurd to even repeat in e-writing. After a very long and stomach churning four hours, in which I saw things which mine eyes hath never glanced upon before (one such event involved a squirrel and a bottle of 'poppers’) the goths eventualy tired and fell asleep in a fleshy, sweaty, make-up covered slump. At this point I took my escape.

I have never been back, and doubt I ever will return. Although I did leave my favourite jumper sat near one of their cauldrons (it had a knitted image of Daniel Radcliffe on it). As it stands I am one jumper down and can never watch The Crow again.

This was easily one of the most terrifying things I have ever seen and I urge anyone going to Camperdown Park to go heavily armed (holy water and the like). I leave you with a message that great man (can’t remember) told me once and which I repeated to myself under my breath on that fateful day:

'When all those around you appear to be losing their marbles,
Remember, hombre, we all walk with a slight limp,
Even the most upright amongst us.’

Alan T. Teasmaid