Café Hugo, Le Marais, Paris

An OK Café in a nice spot — slightly on the high side price-wise (hot chocolate 3,80€, espresso 2€). Don’t count on paper in the toilets.

Staffed by people equal parts manic and incompetent, Cafe Hugo takes the prize as the single worst "dining" experience of my life. As we were starving from a long day of walks around the lovely city that is Paris, my girlfriend and I looked past the obvious tourist clientele and utter lack of charm, as we desperately needed a meal and a rest. We should have know what we were in for when it took 20 minutes for a waiter to acknowledge our presence, despite a staff of at least five running around and bickering without seeming to actually accomplish anything. Ravenous, we even maintained our composure during the shouting match between a waiter and kitchen staff members that only a second waiter prevented from being a fist fight next to our table. Finally, after a 30 minute wait for a bowl of onion soup and a bottle of red (seriously? Half an hour for average onion soup? In France?) we thought it could get no worse. A collision between a waiter and bus staff, resulting in one poor customer next to us being covered in coffee, without a hint of an apology, sealed the deal - these unpleasant people were getting none of our business.

Amazing how it takes the simple thought of losing a few euros for customer attentiveness to kick in. Less than 30 seconds after leaving, the "gentleman" manning the bar chased us down, insisting we must pay for the privilege of being treated as a class beneath cattle. After a heated argument, the choice between parting with 20 euros or facing the inevitable assault charges with dozens of witnesses, all of whom speak better French, against me, I capitulated. Given its prime location, it is a shame that Cafe Hugo will no doubt stay in business and thrive on the unsuspecting. Thank goodness for sites such as this, where I can warn wise people away from a horrific restaurant and group of people.