Osteria del Portico, Ealing, London

I like Osteria.

The food is very filling - both times that I’ve eaten there I’ve needed to go home for a long sleep afterwards.

The only drawback is that despite claiming to be a no-smoking restaurant, lots of people smoke in the courtyard area, which is where most of the seats are. Despite being pro-smoking ban, I don’t mind or care if people smoke outside, but I resent having my food taste like other people’s exhaled fumes. As a revenge tactic I am thinking of inventing a device that emits the smell of excrement. It works like this: you switch on when they finish their cigarette, bringing equality and fairness to the meal-ruining experience for smokers and non-smokers alike. After all, it’s my “right” to be able to have a drink and to smell a big lump of poo after a meal.

The lunchtime deal is very good value. There isn’t a great deal of choice as part of the deal, but there is a much larger menu which you can order from a la carte. As for the deal, I would recommend the pizza. You might be tempted to go for something more 'authentic’ but I think the seafood is a little overdone in the stew, and it contains 'seafood sticks’ which is a little disappointing, especially since I’ve seen that they have fresh mussels delivered.

Tucked away in an archway next to Carluccios and set well back from the road, this is a fantastic independent Italian restaurant providing very authentic food in a cosy environment.
The food is always generous and tasty, with a range of pastas, pizzas and main courses served by friendly Italian staff. They have recently started a special weekday evening offer of £15 for bread, olives, starter, main course and 1/2 a bottle of wine, with even better value lunchtime offers. It’s not a big venue, although it also has some outdoor tables in the archway but is well worth a visit, with bags more character than any of the nearby chain pizzerias.

Okay, I can’t rave enough about this place. It is my local Italian, but I just love it to bits.

Nestled down an alley behind two huge wooden doors (thus the name), the restaurant has a great layout. In warm weather the alley has tables that allow outside seating. Inside, the downstairs isn’t huge, which gives it a close, cosy feel. There are tables for 2, 4 and a couple of larger ones (one rectangular, one circular). There’s lots of extra seating upstairs, although the ambiance isn’t quite as nice.

It’s run by Italians, so you get the proper bread and olives to start. Now, I’ve eaten olives all over the world, but I have no idea where these guys get olives this tasty. I’ve gone just for the olives.

The menu’s got lots of choice: starters, pasta, several pizzas, and some great mains. I wouldn’t say it’s the best place I’ve ever eaten, but it is the most consistent to have very good quality food. We go at least once a month, and have never been disappointed.

Wine list is okay, but I always get the Valpolicella.

Service is friendly and accommodating. They’ll do your pizza take-away if you like.

I feel really lucky to have a place like Osteria del Portico just a minute from where I live. It’s delicious comfort food.