The Clapham Grand

Nice pace to hang out and chill

Really enjoyed my night at The Grand. Really nice friendly crowd, staff and door supervisors very polite and efficient. Yes, the music is your latest club, pop hits. However, with cheap drinks promotion, a good DJ and surrounded in good friendly company - What more can you ask for?

I had the pleasure of going here the other Friday night and thoroughly enjoyed myself. The music is happy go lucky and the atmosphere is easy to run along with. The staff are friendly and you never have to wait too long for a drink…..this is not because it is empty by the way they are just efficient. Keep up the good work guys and we’ll see you soon!!

went here on Friday with a few of us and it was a good night, to be honest was only in here for a few hours, was a few people in there. They play a selection of music.

Will defo come again!

Considering I am completely wasted when I arrive at The Grand, I probably have a warped perception of what it's like! It's normally a tenner to get in and then a hike down many stairs to get to the dance floor, where you are blasted with the average chart music that everyone's bored of. It's always busy in here and the atmosphere is lively, so if you're with a quality group of mates you’re bound to have a good time.

I have not been here for a long time, and walking through those big fury doors i remembered why. it is going to seem like you have heard this before but it is pure cheese. The music, the bar itself. Don't get me wrong, if you are with people you will have fun and you will leave drunk and if single a girl. but don't go there if you are looking for London's elite clubs, go into central for that.

But you can not live south of the river and say you have not been to The Grand. So...... Good luck.

Oooh… goodness. The Clapham Grand takes cheese to the next level. The is just your standard supermarket cheddar. This is an applewood, smoked mature a cheddar. A mouldy stilton which has been sitting in grandmas cupboard for the last 3 years. CHEEEEEEEEEESE!

They play all your favourites in here - Abba, Rick Astley, David Hasselhoff, Chesney Hawkes. You name it, they’ve got it.

£10 to get in, so if you’re in “The Junction” you might want to jump on the 345, 35 or 37 buses up to the High street. Much better action up by Clapham Common.

Cheesy indeed, but no-where near as bad as Inferno’s…...

It’s good fun here and not very expensive. If I remember correctly it’s around £5 to get in and they often have drinks promotions on.

I’ve always enjoyed myself here. Having said that, I’ve only been a handful of times.

””This is your finest camembert…by this I will explain - a very expensive load of cheese. It’s one of those venues where you simply have to get ratted. The atmosphere is similar to that of Hereford cattle market on a Wednesday, except for the fact that if the farmers were that drunk they wouldn’t end up selling the cows, but…well, I’ll leave that to your imaginations. The stage entertainment, and I use the word loosely, consists of an ageing 70s DJ type guy called Dr Felch or something as ridiculous and a band of scantily clad young ladies - the latter are the best looking thing in there. Oh, and don’t fall over unless you have glass proof skin or are wearing chainmail. A skinful is the only answer folks…you have been warned!”“

The Grand is one of a trio of cheesy nightspots in Clapham (Wessex house and Infernos being the other two). It’s set in an old theatre so the layout is a bit all over the place. It’s your typical cheesy disco I suppose but with a rather strange act thrown in. Periodically though the evening PVC clad dancers take to the stage. They’re very good actually but I’m not really sure what the point of them is (well from a female perspective anyway). I’d much rather just have a lower entrance fee (its £10 to get in). Still all good fun I suppose if you’re with a group of friends and fancy a spot of cheesy dancing!