Best Western Cumberland Hotel

My son and myself stayed here for two nights in January whilst watching the gunners at home, disappointed to find that our room was outside the main building across the car park into some reclaimed houses to a small room that smelt of mould and a bathroom the size of a wardrobe! beds were comfy but the main road outside kept us awake, breakfast was bland and warmed up, however the location is great for the tube station but we wouldn't stay there again.

Having lived in Harrow many years ago, and worked very close to the Cumberland, it was an easy choice to decide to stay there on a visit to the area this week. What a mistake. This place is so bad it's difficult to know how to review it.

On arrival, I found the free car park without difficulty and made my way to reception. Staff were abundant, but didn't seem to be doing very much; the receptionist who booked me in took an age to do whatever she had to do on the computer and then presented me with a form to sign - sadly, this form was in the name of another guest. More fiddling on the computer produced another, correct form, and I finally paid and got a key card. While this was going on, a group of 4, having booked 2 twin rooms, arrived, only to be told that the hotel was overbooked (something to do with a new computer system) and no rooms were available for them. They had, however, been booked into another hotel, 5 or 10 minutes walk away; it was only after some argument that the hotel agreed to provide them with a taxi, rather than just vague directions.

My own story continued with a chatty porter who was assigned to carry my overnight bag and direct me through a labyrinth to what seemed more like a college 'hall of residence', outside the main hotel and across the car park. Having arrived in the room, slightly larger than a shoebox but definitely with insufficient space to 'swing a cat', I thought a quick 'wash and brush-up' would be in order. Where were the towels ? A call to reception, apologies and an assurance that towels would arrive forthwith; 45 minutes later, still no towels. Calling reception now resulted in no answer and this continued for another 20 minutes. Eventually, I dialled the hotel's external number, which was answered, with more apologies and someone did, this time, appear within a few minutes. Towels in hand, I returned to the cupboard (actually the bathroom, but I've seen larger wardrobes) only to discover that only one tap worked; this sprayed luke-warm, turning to cold, water around the basin, while the other seemed to have no use whatsoever. Worse, there was no soap, either, and I later realised that the extractor fan didn't work. This was becoming a nightmare.

Having washed in cold water, I tried the television, a fancy looking Samsung. On turning it on, one was immediately subjected to a Cumberland Hotel advert, which I attempted to avoid by switching to BBC1. Oh dear, the reception was, to say the least, poor; BBC2 was the same as was the BBC News Channel. For some reason, the commercial channels all seemed to wok perfectly well, so I can only presume that the hotel management have something against the Beeb.

The choice of tea in the room was Earl Grey, Green, or decaffienated (one tea bag of each), none really to my taste. My ground floor room looked immediately out onto a pathway and the car park; the only way to have any privacy was by drawing the curtains.

I'd booked this place knowing that it didn't have it's own restaurant, but I was eating out anyway, so it didn't really matter. Nonetheless, when I looked at the' Room Service' menu which their literature laughably suggested one could 'dine in' on, it was a choice of jacket potatoes, sandwiches, shepherds' pie, meatballs or vegetarian canelloni. Ordering any of these would set you back the list price plus a £3 charge for the pleasure of delivery to your door; thank heaven I was going out.

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that this is the worst hotel I've ever stayed in and has no redeeming features that I can think of. Not only would I never go there again, but I would seriously warn off anyone else considering using the place. I'd also be very wary of ever using any other 'Best Western' hotel, of which this is one. The system on this site forces me to give the hotel a 'star rating' so I've given it 1; if the system allowed, I'd give it zero and even then that's still several too many.